Getting older is an interesting journey. All the things that mattered to you when you were younger become but a vapor of memories in your mind. They no longer hold you prisoner to an idealistic dream of who you want to be and how you want your world to look. You become all too familiar with the old adage of today may be the only day you have. You absorb the truth of your own mortality and you look back to see if there is any legacy to leave behind. You grieve over what you did wrong and what you failed to do correctly. You become an expert on how you should have lived those former days. You forget that each day is a process in your growth to maturity and you only see where immaturity reigned in your decisions and actions. Your glance backwards can be so harsh that you often lose some time in the present. And honestly, the present is all any of us really have. No one knows the day of their own demise and it is impossible to go back in time and overturn the events that plague you with regret. Each new day is truly a gift and when you get older you finally begin to unwrap that gift with gratitude and expectation.

Justice. When it comes to people who hurt others and seem to get away with it, I want justice served right away. Then when I see them manipulate truth for their own means and watch them glory in their success of evil doings, I want justice even more. I want them to fall. They deserve to fall. They deserve to be exposed for who they really are. No more hiding. No more deceit and manipulation to hide behind. No more self-proclaimed power to cover their sinful ways with. I don’t want justice so that I can see them suffer; rather I want justice so that they are made to stop hurting those they have the power to hurt. I want them exposed so that their soul has some hope of recovery through the work of redemption and repentance. But sometimes, their hearts are hardened and the hope of God turning them away from their evil patterns seems to fade. And so their evil continues. I have witnessed that first hand as many of us have. So, how do we deal with our human sense of what is just? Well..first, I think we have to acknowledge that we are not God and it is not our responsibility to ensure justice prevails. Second, I think we have to trust that God sees the picture better than we do and that He has a plan. Justice will be served. May not be in our timing and may not be within our view, but it will happen. God is a just God and He sees all things. Nothing in secret is hidden from Him. No matter how much someone tries to pretty it up, God sees the filth beneath the mask. Third, our job needs to be praying for that person. Praying that God has mercy on them. Praying that their hearts would be exposed and that they will repent so that they don’t have to face God’s justice. Praying for their salvation in some cases. Praying that we would see them through the same lens God sees them through. For we too have deserved justice in our lifetime and were in need of mercy. Justice can only truly come from God so leave it with Him.

Trust. This is a word deserving of more than five simple letters. The implications behind its meaning are undervalued by its short structure as a monosyllabic word. There is countless verbiage written that attempts to give homage to this idea of trust, but it is truly hard to pen it accurately. Every writer comes at it from their own worldview formed through the saturation of their own life experiences. Some paint it heroically like a character personified between the pages of a good romance novel. Others treat it as a deliberate sabotage towards the human race for the personal gain of evil doers. The individualism of human experience often dictates how this humble word is handled in the hearts of mankind. For me, trust has become a journey of a lifetime. That journey has not been easy. My heart has been shattered many times and I often said “I will never trust again!” Yet, here I am. Trusting once again. I have come to look at it as a gift from God that I treasure. No matter how many times I think it is broken and the pieces boxed up to never be looked at again, He surprises me with the God given ability to trust again. Somehow that box is opened up and the pieces glued back together into a beautiful gift that only He can give me. For me, God is the definition of trust and in Him I find complete safety.

Not going to lie, today has been a tough day. It was messy and full of tears. Not every day is going to be sunny and bright. Some days, the fogginess of hurt, frustration and sorrow will settle around your shoulders like a disheveled hand-me-down quilt that has captured the tears of generations past. The weight of it ushers in a new level of exhaustion and there seems to be no way of escape. Burying yourself in work, watching a mindless movie, eating junk-food or even a time of prayer falls so short of bringing the relief you so desperately need. No comfort is found. We all have those days. So…where is God? Does He not see what that person did or does He not see how much she suffers?? There are no easy answers. Life hurts. For me, I have to reel in my emotions and put them in the backseat behind Truth. When I do that, I can rest in knowing that “because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

Sometimes life pulls us in so many directions that no one area gets the attention it deserves. When that happens you feel as though you are failing in every area. You are only one person and there is only so much time in each day. Those facts never change. It is really hard when you truly care about every area that is vying for your attention. It is nobody’s fault; it is simply one of those seasons that you tread lightly through in the hopes that at the end of it, you find that you haven’t messed up too badly along the way. Your heart longs to satisfy all areas because you truly love and care for each one. These are the times that we have to choose to focus on the One who sees all and trust that He is paving our way. We only see and feel the mess on the path we are walking on, but He sees from the beginning to the end how it started and how it will end. We can’t get lost in the feelings of the day but rather have to trust that all is well because He sees and knows. Today, that has to be enough.

Forgiveness. This one word brings both peace and anger depending on which side of the fence you are standing. For some, it is soothing oil that soaks in and brings healing to the dry and weary crevices of their heart and for others it is like a bitter drink in the pit of a scorching dessert. But no matter which side one stands, it is a necessity. If left alone, bitterness will take hold and nothing beautiful has ever grown from the depths of that tangled root. No one pretends it is easy. For it is not. It is particularly hard when it looks like the one who brought the offense is getting away with their evil deeds. Rest assured…they will reap what they sow. Galatians 6:7-8 says “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let that bring comfort. God sees all that is hidden and He will one day expose what lies in darkness and usher it into the light. Don’t long for that day. Rather long to truly forgive before that day comes so that when it does, you are there with arms open wide to unconditionally love that person as Christ loved you when you did not deserve it. Always keep in mind that “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 Forgiveness does not make what they did okay nor does it let anyone off the hook. God doesn’t ask this of us as a theory He thought might be useful one day. Instead, He lived it before us. “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” God help us to forgive in the same manner in which You have forgiven us!

Kids. There is no book that will prepare you for that adventure! For me, it has been the most rewarding journey I have ever dared to embark on. When I suddenly found myself as a single mom of three in 1987, I thought I’d never make it. But as He always is, God was there and He proved to be the most amazing Father to my three kids. Now I look at them all grown up and one with a child of his own and I just marvel. I stand in awe of who they turned out to be, especially with the knowledge of the hardships in which they grew up in and the hardships that this cruel world throws their way from time to time. God’s faithfulness at work! He alone took three very wounded babies and grew them up to be a man and two women of integrity and honor. They are the real deal. What you see is who they really are. Yes, God has done well with these three precious individuals. The truth is, I wish I were more like them. Thank you God for blessing me with the treasure of motherhood. Thank you for raising them up to be more like You every day. Thank you also for bringing me a third daughter whom I love dearly. She has been knitted into the hearts of our family forever. But, if that wasn’t enough blessing, You also brought me the most amazing grandson whom I cherish and adore. Yes Lord, you have been good to me and my family and I just feel so grateful! Kids....the best thing in my life!