January 7, 2011

"If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them" is God speaking concerning the Tower of Babel. So, the people of that city who spoke the same language as everyone else in the world at that time, decided for fame sake to build a tower to reach the heavens. That one act caused God to confuse the language and scatter the people. An interesting story in scripture to be sure, but what is really intriguing to me is what did God mean in that one sentence. Speaking the same language and agreeing on the same task equals nothing is impossible?? How does that work and what was God referring to? Could it be if God's people joined in one voice with a single minded purpose (called out by God) worked together....it would not be impossible to consistently succeed? Interesting. But, how in the world would believers from every walk of life ever do that. We all have our own agenda's. We all have our own interpretations of what God is saying. Unity is a missing link in today's Church. Just imagine if for one moment we got off our high horses and our personal soap boxes, bowed down before the King of Kings and listened for His voice and His direction and then collectively obeyed, the world would be turned upside down! May God's people learn to listen and obey. May we lay apathy and self -appointed goals down and walk out the truth of God's Word as He intended it. Bring unity to Your people Lord. Let us look like one people group focused on the One True God so that You might receive at least a portion of the glory due Your name!

January 6, 2011

Reading in Genesis today the count of Noah and the flood. It is interesting how we use that image as a cutesy decoration for many children's bedroom and church nursery's. I must confess, I have loved it too. I am a big animal lover and they are portrayed in such a cute way. But when you read the story, it is anything but cute. It is a story of God's disdain for the mankind he created and how he wiped them off the face of the earth in one swoop. With them, all the animals, unless they won the lottery of making it on the ark. It is a horrible and terrifying image. Such power of devastation. I know that Noah's family couldn't have enjoyed the ride on the ark that had to be stinky and cramped, but at least their life was spared. It is mind boggling to think of the God who is lifted up as sweet love all the time as this God who poured out His wrath on all mankind. It brings a bit of terror to one's heart and puts into perspective that He is in control. I can't help but think if I would have stood and mocked Noah for building that ark. I'd like to think that I would be begging him to let me help and to let me enter the ark with him, but I'd probably be one of the bodies floating in the waters. How I want to have a heart like Noah's. A heart that will follow God's leading even if I look ridiculous in the doing. A heart that is bent on hearing God's voice and obeying. I long to walk out the righteousness Christ has adorned me with. God...let it be so.

January 4, 2011

Today has left me with a sense of sadness. I heard that the Robertsons, whom I know, but not well, lost their eleven year old son to cancer today. These are people who serve the Lord so sacrificially on the mission field and who walked this journey with their son with such grace. Though I am not close to them, I can't seem to help feeling sad for them. In my sense of justice, no parent should have to bury their child. The pain is so horrendous and I have no clue how you ever get past it. One of my biggest fears has always been one of my children dying before me. I just dont' think I could endure that. I remember when Carol was suffering and I thought I was going to lose her, I begged God not to take her, even though she wanted to go home because she was so weary of suffering. I did come to terms with the possibility as best I could so if God did take her, I knew I would be okay. Thankfully, God spared her and totally healed everything! An amazing story for another day. Today I was reminded of how close I came to being a parent who had to bury their child and my heart just broke for the Robertsons. So with a heavy heart for this dear family I do pray that God's presence be felt in a tangible way that they might feel the peace that only He can bring.

On a different note that seems so miniscule when compared to what I already wrote...it was also a frustrating day at work. I do not understand how some people in upper management can blow smoke and make statements that are so far off base to the point that others over them make decisions based on those things. The lack of integrity in the work force combined with the evilness of office politics just drives me nuts. I have really had the wind knocked out of my sails for several months now and I just can't seem to recover. I want to because I want to do all things in excellence, but it is so hard when things seem so futile.

This dying to self walk I am on is so difficult on days like today. It is so hard to lay down entitlement and a sense of "my rights" when you feel like you are just wronged on so many fronts. The more I meditate on surrender, the more my flesh arises as though from a dead sleep ready to take on the world. God take control..do what only You can do.

In my reading today in Genesis, it says "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it." It almost personifies sin as someone sitting at your door who desries to take control of you. How easy it is to fall into sin. We can master it because Christ paid the penatly, releasing the hold sin has on us. So, why is it still such a threat as though it is sitting and watching for opportunity to encompass us? How do I take to heart and let the truth of God's payment for my sin wash over me?? Sin no longer has to have a hold on me. I may hold on to it, but it cannot control me. Application of this is a challenge each day. More of You God..and less of me. When that happens, sin will be less and less enticing!

January 3, 2011

Day three of 2011 was a good day in that it is the day, we celebrate my son's 31st birthday. Hard to believe I am old enough to have kids in their thirty's! Where did the time go?? My son is an amazing young man. Not perfect by any means but an incredible example of walking in faith. He inspires me on so many levels. I am super proud of him and grateful for the young man God has molded him to be. He has always been special to me. Perhaps it is because he is my only son, but I am sure he would say it is because he is just that awesome!

My surrender to God today has been far from complete. Old habits and ways of being self-absorbed are very hard to die to. I press on, knowing that the journey is one day at a time and tomorrow is a new day to experience.

Reading the account of God creating man is always a fascinating read to me. It is amazing that He created Adam from the dust of the earth and breathed air into him with the full knowledge that Adam would disobey him. He knew that Adam would be the first of many to come whose actions would ultimately lead to Christ's death on the cross. He still chose to do it. Why? He knew the suffering He would endure as the Father separated from His only Son and the suffering He would endure as the Son of God. What love must have fueled that decision. It is also a comical read in a loose sense as you see the pointing of fingers in the blame game that haunts the human race. Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. How many times do I blame others for my sinful responses rather than owning them? The thing I find the most interesting is "And the Lord God said,'The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever'" What does that mean? I find it fascinating. The man became like "one of them". Is it simply in the sense that he recognized good and evil?? So...when they walked in the garden prior to the fall, did they not know about the angels and about how some had already fallen? Did God not warn them about evil lurking in the form of a serpent? If they had eaten from the tree of life right after they sinned, would they not have a need to be banished because they would then live forever? I do not know the answer, but it gives me something to ponder.

January 2, 2011

Yesterday was not a day of huge transformation, but also not a day of horrible failures. It is funny how my brain is so trained with an inner list of do's and dont's and how I naturally take inventory at the end of the day, ultimately giving myself a failing grade. Last night was no different except that I reminded myself that my focus is shifting. I am throwing down the Rhonda-made lists and my question at the end of the day should be simple. Did I love and honor God? Did I surrender control to him that day. Well, sad to say that I failed that list of questioning as well, but I certainly was more cognizant of God's presence in spite of the fact that I didn't' really feel it. The knowing that He is there each moment of each day was at least somewhere in the tangled mess of my brain's thinking.

I have taken this approach before and have never successfully completed it, but have chosen to get back up on that horse and see if I can accomplish reading through my chronological Bible as my choice of study. All the stories do not mesh in my head and I am hoping this will give me a new perspective on the history of God's people and in turn teach me some new things about who God is. The beginning (no pun intended) is the most familiar part. I have read the "Beginning of Creation" many times. I have taught it to my students when I was a teacher. The temptation to skim this is strong, but I am determined to read it in its entirety and pray that something fresh will be revealed.

When reading, a question came to my mind about the angels as they are not mentioned in the Creation story. So, when did God create the angels? I don't remember ever seeing an account of that or having anyone talk about it. The other question that came to mind was.....God having never been created and having always existed...what did He do before He launched His plan of creation? Did He just sit around while the angels worshipped Him? What did He do before the angels were created to worship Him? Not that God has to be entertained..for that is clearly a human fleshly trait..but what did He do. I imagine He is so complete in the Godhead that He didn't have to do anything but live in communion with each other. That begs the question of why did He ever choose to create us? It is a mystery in light of how human kind has total disregard for their Creator. I will see if more comes to light as I press on daily through this chronological discovery. So far, day two of my new direction has given me more questions than answers!

January 1, 2010

The first day of 2011. It feels like most days. Nothing special or different. I made a conscious choice this year to not have any new years resolutions. Not because I don't want to strive to do better this year on the areas I always name and fail at but because it never seems to produce the desired affect. Each year when it comes to a close I have a moment of reflection that comes, usually unsolicited, and I feel guilty over all the things I didn't achieve that year. Thus no "I'm going to lose weight", "I'm going to read my Bible more", "I'm going to get my house organized" and a slew of other goals. It may have taken me 54 years of life, but I have finally learned that I can't do anything with sustainability in my own flesh. I know there are people out there who are driven and can push themselves to do what is good for them by the inner resolve they possess, but I am not one of those people. If I am to have any success in the areas that really matter to me, it is going to be because of the transformation that comes when I love and serve God. The problem has been that I haven't loved and served God as my highest priority. I want to. I think about it. I feel guilt over my lack of doing so. But, true to my lazy flesh's command, it has been easier to live life the way I want to. There is clearly a part of me that wishes God would just zap me into the person He wants me to be so that I can walk a life of holiness wrapped up in serving Him however he wants. Why is that? I guess it is because I always want the easy way. I have had enough hard knocks and painful experiences in my life that I just want it to be easy now. I'm tired and I am weary from the drama life brings. There is a part of me that feels like telling God "I have done my due. You of all know how hard life has been. You know the many hurts and losses I have experienced. When is it my turn to be at rest and simply enjoy the rest of the years I have on this earth?" Even as I write what lies inside my heart, I feel convicted. When I look at pain in this world, the truth is I've suffered very little. There are people everyday being tortured and persecuted for their faith. My problems are minuscule compared to what they face. That isn't to minimize what I have endured over the years from childhood on. There have been some traumatizing years that make it a surprise that I have any sanity left at all. But in the scheme of God's big picture, I have not suffered to the point of justifying my living for self and feeling a sense of entitlement to a trouble free life. No one has. All believers have a call on their life and a plan that was instituted by the Creator of this world. I need to get it in my head that I am not my own. I am a slave to Christ. I am here for His purpose and not my own. He never promised life would be easy nor did he promise that a trouble free life would be what brings joy. The Apostle Paul said it best in Scripture of how he learned to be content in whatever situation he was in. So, my approach this year is not a list of accomplishments I would like to achieve or goals I'd like to strive for. This year I am going to lay everything down. I am going to try one year to do it God's way and not my own. I am not sure what that looks like which is good because then I'd make a list of rules that I would try and follow but would surely break. As best I can, I am coming at this with no pre-conceived notions. All I know is that my way has not worked. I have not been able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and become the person my mind imagines I'd like to be. So, this year is all about a journey. My journey. The only destination I have in mind is dying more to self and learning to live my life with Christ in me as the driving source. There are no carefully laid plans of how to get there and the only road map is God's Word. As best I can, I am laying down all my preconceived Christian notions and just saying God teach me. One day at a time. Here we go!

After time in prayer over the things I wrote above, I asked God to take me to His Word so that this journey can begin. My prayer was one of repentance and laying down of self. I am not a big believer in flipping through the Bible hoping God will direct me to just the right page. I am much more about starting in a book of the Bible and reading through it. But, from time to time, I have had those moments when I just open the Bible and it is like God is speaking directly to me. Today was one of those days. I turned to Lamentations 3 which is a book I have read very little of. I began reading it and could see some similar accusations that I have made on a lot less grander scale of course. Then what jumped out at me was "The faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance, therefore I will hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So, it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of His discipline. let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands. Let them lie face down in the dust for there may be hope at last." I am not at an early age but may I learn to submit to the yoke of His discipline this year.

Living a life of faith should be a journey pregnant with adventures, wonder and sacrifice. Each day offers a challenge to abandon the innate pull of human selfishness in pursuit of the glory of God. It is both the most misunderstood and the most ignored part of the Christian life. Some compensate their lack of understanding by posting a legalistic list of rules deep inside their hearts desire to follow God. Others use it as a twisted attempt to control God within their "name it and claim it" prayers. While some offer it up as a supernatural phenomenon manifested in a chosen few. I am far from being an expert on it. In fact, sometimes it feels like I am sitting at a drive in movie theater with popcorn spilled across my lap as I sit sleepily observing others scrambling to do it right across the big screen. It is the life Christians are called to, but struggle to personify its meaning. I am no exception. Somewhere deep inside I believe it is a simple truth that we as intelligent human beings complicate while trying to make sense of living a holy life in a world immersed in sin and self-gratification. The good news is we are not without hope at finding the successful path to living a life of faith for we know that everything we need is available through the gift of God's Son. That is the beginning and the end of the process. Perhaps we simply need to stop striving to be something that God has already established in us.