Sometimes life pulls us in so many directions that no one area gets the attention it deserves. When that happens you feel as though you are failing in every area. You are only one person and there is only so much time in each day. Those facts never change. It is really hard when you truly care about every area that is vying for your attention. It is nobody’s fault; it is simply one of those seasons that you tread lightly through in the hopes that at the end of it, you find that you haven’t messed up too badly along the way. Your heart longs to satisfy all areas because you truly love and care for each one. These are the times that we have to choose to focus on the One who sees all and trust that He is paving our way. We only see and feel the mess on the path we are walking on, but He sees from the beginning to the end how it started and how it will end. We can’t get lost in the feelings of the day but rather have to trust that all is well because He sees and knows. Today, that has to be enough.

Forgiveness. This one word brings both peace and anger depending on which side of the fence you are standing. For some, it is soothing oil that soaks in and brings healing to the dry and weary crevices of their heart and for others it is like a bitter drink in the pit of a scorching dessert. But no matter which side one stands, it is a necessity. If left alone, bitterness will take hold and nothing beautiful has ever grown from the depths of that tangled root. No one pretends it is easy. For it is not. It is particularly hard when it looks like the one who brought the offense is getting away with their evil deeds. Rest assured…they will reap what they sow. Galatians 6:7-8 says “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let that bring comfort. God sees all that is hidden and He will one day expose what lies in darkness and usher it into the light. Don’t long for that day. Rather long to truly forgive before that day comes so that when it does, you are there with arms open wide to unconditionally love that person as Christ loved you when you did not deserve it. Always keep in mind that “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 Forgiveness does not make what they did okay nor does it let anyone off the hook. God doesn’t ask this of us as a theory He thought might be useful one day. Instead, He lived it before us. “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” God help us to forgive in the same manner in which You have forgiven us!

Kids. There is no book that will prepare you for that adventure! For me, it has been the most rewarding journey I have ever dared to embark on. When I suddenly found myself as a single mom of three in 1987, I thought I’d never make it. But as He always is, God was there and He proved to be the most amazing Father to my three kids. Now I look at them all grown up and one with a child of his own and I just marvel. I stand in awe of who they turned out to be, especially with the knowledge of the hardships in which they grew up in and the hardships that this cruel world throws their way from time to time. God’s faithfulness at work! He alone took three very wounded babies and grew them up to be a man and two women of integrity and honor. They are the real deal. What you see is who they really are. Yes, God has done well with these three precious individuals. The truth is, I wish I were more like them. Thank you God for blessing me with the treasure of motherhood. Thank you for raising them up to be more like You every day. Thank you also for bringing me a third daughter whom I love dearly. She has been knitted into the hearts of our family forever. But, if that wasn’t enough blessing, You also brought me the most amazing grandson whom I cherish and adore. Yes Lord, you have been good to me and my family and I just feel so grateful! Kids....the best thing in my life!

One’s lifetime is filled with a variety of storms sandwiched between seasons of peace and tranquility. Whether the storm is a simple nagging drizzle or a freezing snow storm leaving you trapped with seemingly no way of escape, the truth remains the same. Our God, the great orchestrator of our human existence, never leaves His throne and always does what is right and for our good. Though clearly I have not always faithfully believed that truth, I know it has always lurked below the surface waiting to spring forth when my heart dared to look past life’s experiences into the heart of God.

Being hurt is synonymous to being human. You can’t have one without the other. Why? Simple answer…we live in a fallen world. Sometimes you can anticipate the storm coming because you see the clouds forming and you hear the distant thunder. But, even then, the severity of it can still alarm you and take you by surprise. God’s word is true when it says that it rains on the just and the unjust alike. The root cause of that rain can also come from the just and the unjust alike. But here is the rest of that story. Two words…But God! Now for some those words will mean nothing and that’s okay. But for me, it means everything. It means that despite whatever storms I have walked through, I am currently walking through or will ever walk through, there is always and will always be a “But God!” Those two words are more than just an umbrella I hold over my head; they are the cleft in which I crawl into because in that, lies my only safety.

February 12, 2011

The other day I attended the funeral of a dear friend. She was someone I did not get to see often, but when we were able to connect it was always like we just picked up where we left off. She was an amazing woman who left a legacy of praises to the God she loved so much. It is so strange to think of her being face to face with Jesus now. In some ways, I envy her. I am in no hurry to leave this world as I love my life here, but I do look forward to the day that my faith becomes sight. It will be a wonderful day. Susan had such a quiet, gentle way about her. She was the most sincere and genuine person. Her life impacted so many as she was the principle of a Christian Academy. To know her was to love her. She exemplified a surrendered life that I so long to emulate. I still can't believe she is gone. When things like this happen, you can't help but look at your own life and examine where you are. I am just not certain that a dedicated life to Christ should be this difficult. By difficult I am referring to my ability to let go of control and simply follow His direction. Some people,like Susan, made it look so easy. I know I am stubborn and given to the desire of being in control, but my heart longs to yield to the One who lives inside of me. When will that longing be manifested? God..You above all know my heart. Search me and see what wicked ways are in me. Bring purification where I have allowed grayness, bring holiness where I have allowed selfishness, and bring freedom where I have lived in bondage.

February 11, 2011

It has been awhile since I have written in my blog. The way my life is structured right now has made it a little more difficult to be consistent...or is that just another one of many excuses that come far too easily. I guess the truth is that I have not stayed focused on anything. My life feels a little scattered and disjointed at the moment and to top it off..lack of consistency is one of my biggest flaws. My quest for yielding my life to God in a revolutionary way has been slow at best. You don't realize how much life is wrapped up in your own fleshly desires and pursuits until you are faced with laying them down. I am just not content to live the typical christian life. I know God has so much more for us than what we Westerners could ever imagine. His plans are greater and His purpose more fulfilling. Yet settling seems to be my religion of choice. I sit on that splintering fence contemplating if I really want to plant my feet in that new field that is filled with uncertainties and possible sacrifices. The callouses on my behind from lack of movement are starting to get uncomfortable. But, there I sit. God...where I lack desire, please stir it up, where I lack discipline, please bring it swiftly but gently and where I lack love , saturate me with true knowledge of your love for me.