The first day of 2011. It feels like most days. Nothing special or different. I made a conscious choice this year to not have any new years resolutions. Not because I don't want to strive to do better this year on the areas I always name and fail at but because it never seems to produce the desired affect. Each year when it comes to a close I have a moment of reflection that comes, usually unsolicited, and I feel guilty over all the things I didn't achieve that year. Thus no "I'm going to lose weight", "I'm going to read my Bible more", "I'm going to get my house organized" and a slew of other goals. It may have taken me 54 years of life, but I have finally learned that I can't do anything with sustainability in my own flesh. I know there are people out there who are driven and can push themselves to do what is good for them by the inner resolve they possess, but I am not one of those people. If I am to have any success in the areas that really matter to me, it is going to be because of the transformation that comes when I love and serve God. The problem has been that I haven't loved and served God as my highest priority. I want to. I think about it. I feel guilt over my lack of doing so. But, true to my lazy flesh's command, it has been easier to live life the way I want to. There is clearly a part of me that wishes God would just zap me into the person He wants me to be so that I can walk a life of holiness wrapped up in serving Him however he wants. Why is that? I guess it is because I always want the easy way. I have had enough hard knocks and painful experiences in my life that I just want it to be easy now. I'm tired and I am weary from the drama life brings. There is a part of me that feels like telling God "I have done my due. You of all know how hard life has been. You know the many hurts and losses I have experienced. When is it my turn to be at rest and simply enjoy the rest of the years I have on this earth?" Even as I write what lies inside my heart, I feel convicted. When I look at pain in this world, the truth is I've suffered very little. There are people everyday being tortured and persecuted for their faith. My problems are minuscule compared to what they face. That isn't to minimize what I have endured over the years from childhood on. There have been some traumatizing years that make it a surprise that I have any sanity left at all. But in the scheme of God's big picture, I have not suffered to the point of justifying my living for self and feeling a sense of entitlement to a trouble free life. No one has. All believers have a call on their life and a plan that was instituted by the Creator of this world. I need to get it in my head that I am not my own. I am a slave to Christ. I am here for His purpose and not my own. He never promised life would be easy nor did he promise that a trouble free life would be what brings joy. The Apostle Paul said it best in Scripture of how he learned to be content in whatever situation he was in. So, my approach this year is not a list of accomplishments I would like to achieve or goals I'd like to strive for. This year I am going to lay everything down. I am going to try one year to do it God's way and not my own. I am not sure what that looks like which is good because then I'd make a list of rules that I would try and follow but would surely break. As best I can, I am coming at this with no pre-conceived notions. All I know is that my way has not worked. I have not been able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and become the person my mind imagines I'd like to be. So, this year is all about a journey. My journey. The only destination I have in mind is dying more to self and learning to live my life with Christ in me as the driving source. There are no carefully laid plans of how to get there and the only road map is God's Word. As best I can, I am laying down all my preconceived Christian notions and just saying God teach me. One day at a time. Here we go!
After time in prayer over the things I wrote above, I asked God to take me to His Word so that this journey can begin. My prayer was one of repentance and laying down of self. I am not a big believer in flipping through the Bible hoping God will direct me to just the right page. I am much more about starting in a book of the Bible and reading through it. But, from time to time, I have had those moments when I just open the Bible and it is like God is speaking directly to me. Today was one of those days. I turned to Lamentations 3 which is a book I have read very little of. I began reading it and could see some similar accusations that I have made on a lot less grander scale of course. Then what jumped out at me was "The faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance, therefore I will hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So, it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of His discipline. let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands. Let them lie face down in the dust for there may be hope at last." I am not at an early age but may I learn to submit to the yoke of His discipline this year.
2 comments:
Our final rest ofcourse is not found in this life. Christ did not find it(in the sense of final rest). The OT prophets did not find it. The Apostles did not find it. Most of the prophets and some of the apostles found death at the hands of God's enemies. Not until death will rest be permanent and certain. Till then some amount of struggle is the lot of we all. Some more, some less. Some in some areas, some in others. The comfort is knowing that final rest awaits, and very soon - sooner than we think - we shall be there. Those of us who follow Christ. Ofcourse, I know you know all that...!
I agree that true rest awaits after death but I also believe that God has given us the ability to find rest here in Him. I don't think we have to wait until the end of our time to enjoy rest. Not rest complete, but rest nonetheless.
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