Today has left me with a sense of sadness. I heard that the Robertsons, whom I know, but not well, lost their eleven year old son to cancer today. These are people who serve the Lord so sacrificially on the mission field and who walked this journey with their son with such grace. Though I am not close to them, I can't seem to help feeling sad for them. In my sense of justice, no parent should have to bury their child. The pain is so horrendous and I have no clue how you ever get past it. One of my biggest fears has always been one of my children dying before me. I just dont' think I could endure that. I remember when Carol was suffering and I thought I was going to lose her, I begged God not to take her, even though she wanted to go home because she was so weary of suffering. I did come to terms with the possibility as best I could so if God did take her, I knew I would be okay. Thankfully, God spared her and totally healed everything! An amazing story for another day. Today I was reminded of how close I came to being a parent who had to bury their child and my heart just broke for the Robertsons. So with a heavy heart for this dear family I do pray that God's presence be felt in a tangible way that they might feel the peace that only He can bring.
On a different note that seems so miniscule when compared to what I already wrote...it was also a frustrating day at work. I do not understand how some people in upper management can blow smoke and make statements that are so far off base to the point that others over them make decisions based on those things. The lack of integrity in the work force combined with the evilness of office politics just drives me nuts. I have really had the wind knocked out of my sails for several months now and I just can't seem to recover. I want to because I want to do all things in excellence, but it is so hard when things seem so futile.
This dying to self walk I am on is so difficult on days like today. It is so hard to lay down entitlement and a sense of "my rights" when you feel like you are just wronged on so many fronts. The more I meditate on surrender, the more my flesh arises as though from a dead sleep ready to take on the world. God take control..do what only You can do.
In my reading today in Genesis, it says "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it." It almost personifies sin as someone sitting at your door who desries to take control of you. How easy it is to fall into sin. We can master it because Christ paid the penatly, releasing the hold sin has on us. So, why is it still such a threat as though it is sitting and watching for opportunity to encompass us? How do I take to heart and let the truth of God's payment for my sin wash over me?? Sin no longer has to have a hold on me. I may hold on to it, but it cannot control me. Application of this is a challenge each day. More of You God..and less of me. When that happens, sin will be less and less enticing!
2 comments:
One minor point in regards to this comment..you wrote: "This dying to self walk I am on is so difficult on days like today. It is so hard to lay down entitlement and a sense of 'my rights' when you feel like you are just wronged on so many fronts." I am not sure you need take capitulation to the nth degree in every area of your public (employment, etc) life. Remember the parable of the "persistent widow," Luke 18:2-8. I know the parable establishes the need and purpose for unfailing prayer - and yet, incidentally, it does portray in a favorable light someone who is in pursuit of justice. Someone who is wronged. The Psalmist too calls out for justice. So do the OT prophets. Point is, there is at least in part a legitimate expectation of rights and justice. We have a right to expect integrity from others. Where we do not have a "right" before God is to expect or demand all such situations are resolved in our favor.But I for one find nothing unspirtual in your weariness of maltreatment. Just a thought!
Good points. Something to ponder. It is just so hard to work in the world sometimes. I continue to be amazed at what people say and do. It stuns me. I just want my reaction to that to be the right one and that is not always easy to do.
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